rejection comes in many shapes, sizes and arenas. it pops up in friendships, familial situations, professional settings and as many people know, romantic relationships. I’ve encountered quite a bit of the aforementioned (like a sampler of L’s if you wish) but could never accept it for what it was. here’s a list of what I’m finally willing to take from rejection & admit to myself:
1. FALSE HUMILITY IS A THING…and it’s terrible. it pretends to be at peace. it pretends to be rational and apologetic. it acts like it’s okay with rejection but eventually shows itself in statements like:
“I know I’m not perfect but…” | “I know I said/did ____ but you said/did…” | “I’m sorry if…” | “I don’t expect anything from you but…” | the list goes on.
I honestly, truly believed I was so humble. like, Mother Teresa humble even though I was quick to pull one of those lines. in reality, I rarely accepted my role in conflict. when I did, it was followed by a tirade about how the other person(s) had done far more, far worse and why I was SO undeserving of such horrific treatment. false humility often assumes that scorned victim role to ease the pain of rejection.
my personal favorite would come around the end of romance or a situationship: “It’s okay, one day they will see I am the real thing/best thing that ever happened to them…but by then it will be too late”
…didn’t know if that day would actually come or if it would really be too late, but pretending made me feel better!
2. DON’T DISH WHAT YOU CAN’T TAKE… if I chose to walk away from something or someone, I did so with little remorse and wouldn’t look back. if I needed to distance myself in order to “protect my peace” or beat someone to the punch (in more honest terms), it was cool. because in those cases, guess who was in control? but when people decided to walk away or distance themselves from me
i was all like “oh, issa problem”. truth is, not being able to handle the same treatment you give others is pretty trash. wanting to be in control of every aspect of your interaction with others is immature and selfish. that was all me. ya girl wouldn’t let go unless SHE said so. she also turned into a whole child if the tables were turned. you’ll just have to imagine the chaos that caused me because this ain’t the post and I don’t have the energy to share those stories yet.
3. PEOPLE CAN’T BE INTIMIDATED OR MANIPULATED INTO STICKING AROUND…When the phrase “they know better” is often used to describe another adult’s adherence to to your “rules” or expectations, yikes. if a bad attitude, volatile emotions or erractic behavior is the dreaded result of disappointment, people might walk on eggshells around you. as some did around me. during that time, I prouly described my temper as a minefield because as long as you didn’t step on a trigger, I was a great person to have around! but who wants to be on guard around someone 24/7?!
admitting to a fear of being rejected isn’t easy but eventually, that fear will show itself in other behavior.
this goes back to the control issue; after being mistreated or abandoned by different people in my past, I sought out a way to prevent that from continuing. my intentions were just to protect myself but lowkey, I became manipulative. God blessed me with people who called me out and helped me get to the root of the problem. now I’m learning to establish and maintain relationships in much healthier ways. admitting to a fear of being rejected isn’t easy. but eventually, that fear will show itself in other behavior.
4. REJECTION IS A-OKAY… people have walked out of my life and now, I get that it’s okay. I didn’t get jobs I really wanted, I’ve been let go from a position I kinda liked and friendships I thought would last forever have fizzled out. ALL OF THAT IS PERFECTLY OKAY! and that “okay” doesn’t come with a splash of
“rejection is God’s redirection” | “better is out there” | “they didn’t deserve you”….blah blah blah. while those things are true sometimes, that’s not always the case.
I mean rejection—as that and that alone— is legitimately okay! it provides a chance to grow in humility. it allows opportunity to acknowledge your own flaws to determine whether or not you even want to change. rejection teaches you fine-tune your life to the answer “NO” because we will not always hear “yes”. people will not stick around forever and that’s something to be thankful for! no matter how badly we want to believe we are God’s perfect gift to mankind, we are all flawed. sometimes, people will not choose you and they won’t be wrong for it. it won’t be the end of the world. there will be other jobs, there will be other friends and although we can’t replace family (a type of rejection I didn’t get into here), that pain can be healed. I am speaking from experience.
until we get a little more into rejection & the effects of it, remember there is One who has never and will never reject you.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. — Psalm 34:18
5 thoughts on “4 things I didn’t let rejection teach me”
This was such a good read and so relate-able! So many real life lines: “admitting to a fear of being rejected isn’t easy but eventually, that fear will show itself in other behavior.” and “rejection teaches you fine-tune your life to the answer “NO” because we will not always hear “yes” Girl say it louder for the folks in the back.
may 2018 be a year that favor rests in your life and you grow even closer to God
Love reading your blog! Keep it coming, queen!
Sis are we here or are we here? Hahaha. That false humility is real! You have me self checking myself right now! But I love how you put yourself out as an example of each lesson in such a relatable way.
Cheers to better handling/managing rejections!
Reblogged this on Passionate Woman and commented:
False Humility is REALLLL! Preach!!